"Love bites love bleeds - it's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives love dies - it's no surprise
Love begs love pleads - it's what I need"
This might be the feeling of pain when a relationship ends, a loved one dies etc. Sometimes though, it turns physical when relationships turn violent and abusive. There is no love in abuse, in violence. If there was love, there would be no abuse, violence.
Abusive relationships create a phenomenon called "battered woman syndrome". What this encompasses is a person who is in a relationship with an abusive partner. The abuse can be either physical or emotional or a combination thereof. This results in the victim becoming depressed, feeling isolated and unable to break the cycle. This also means that the victim cannot take any positive action to break out and walk away from a bad relationship. Many people believe this to be hogwash...sadly, it is absolutely true, and affects many women, globally.
It is estimated that in South Africa alone, 1 out of every four women are survivors of domestic violence. According to POWA, 1 in every 6 women who die in Gauteng, die by the hand of an intimate partner.
The Institute of Security Studies did research in 1999, and the findings were as follows:
90% of the interviewees had experienced emotional abuse, public humiliation etc.
90% of the interviewees had experienced physical abuse - pushing, shoving, slapping, hitting etc.
71% had experienced sexual abuse: forced kissing/touching and rape.
58% had experienced economic abuse - money being stolen/taken from them without consent.
42.5% of the interviewees had experienced all forms of abuse.
60% of all cases of abuse were committed by partners, lovers or spouses.
-Emotional abuse-either as a category on its own or in combination with other types of abuse was referred to by 63% of women as being the most serious.
-According to a Medical Research Council study, young women are more subjected to assault (ranging from slapping to beating with objects and stabbing) and sexual coercion by partners and others.
These statistics were released by POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse)
Victims of domestic violence are silent victims, due to isolating circumstances. However, speaking out not only reduces the risk of the vicious cycle repeating itself, it also creates a foundation to build up confidence to walk away.
A person who intentionally harms another, albeit physically or emotionally, is a bully, no matter how old he/she is. Bullying behavior can be caused by many external as well as internal stimuli, such as a hot headed temperament, a bad relationship with their primary caregiver, the need to control, lack of self control anger issues, inferiority complex and the like.
When you take this into account, as a victim, you should internalize it as follows - abuse, in any form, is not your fault. There is no justification for domestic violence and abuse, none whatsoever. You deserve a loving, caring environment, and people in your life who love, nurture, protect and adore you. Why? God did not create you to suffer. God created you because He loves you, and as our Father, He would not wish any harm to come upon His children. However, some stray from the enligthened path and fall, far...these people are like a bull in a china shop - leaving behind a trail of brokenness, like shattered glass.
I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to endure abuse, but never allow your circumstances to turn you into a bitter person filled with hate. For then your circumstances win, and you lose. Pray, pray often. Keep your head up, speak up and say NO. Believe that you are worthy of a fabulous life filled with love and joy, because it is the truth.
I heard a fabulous story of a woman who endured regular beatings from her alcoholic husband. One day she had had enough and when he came home drunk again, passing out quickly, she rolled him into a wet blanket, took her Teflon frying pan and knocked sense and sobriety into him. Never again did he lay an hand on her.
This might sound extreme, but sometimes it is the only way to stand up - to defend yourself physically. When an abusive person sees that you are strong, the abuse will dwindle. Physical strength is a good thing, but emotional strength turns you into a giant, since an abusive person is in actual fact not emotionally superior, but inferior, they only hide it behind abuse and inflicting pain upon others.
If you are a victim of domestic violence and abuse and reading this, just know, that I am praying for you - praying for love to fill your heart and your life. For the abuse to stop. PUSH - pray until something happens, and when it does, keep praying.
May you have a joyous day, knowing that you are not alone in the world, you never were, and you never will be.
"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." - Mark Caine
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