Do it, for the kids... :)

In March/April of 2009, I was part of a research project for the World Health Organization which focused on the socio-economic circumstances of children aged 16-18 in the less than ideal areas of Johannesburg.  I was an interviewer, and interviewed countless teenagers.  The questionnaire was a rather thick booklet and contained pretty tough questions about abuse, violence, sex, finances etc.  I remember sitting in front of one young face after the other, my heart bleeding for them.


The last question in the questionnaire was:  "Do you have dreams for the future?"  Two, out of all the kids I interviewed, said yes.  The rest said no...the reasons ranging from "I don't deserve a dream,  things are so bad currently that I will never have a good future" to the heart wrenching "I won't live that long."  I cried and cried and cried for these kids, and immediately knew that God wanted me to see this, experience this pain, for a reason.  There and then I decided that Child Law would be my future.  From that defining moment, I have never once looked back, or doubted my destiny.

It so happened that I decided to do my masters in Child Law, but struggled with a topic for my dissertation.  Then my aunt told me a story that left me cold.  My little cousin, who was 10 at the time, was the victim of vicious bullying, to the extent that he got panic attacks every morning before school, and is currently seeing a psychologist to help with his school phobia.


It is my sincere belief that children have the right to be children for as long as possible.  External factors such as violence, abuse, negativity, poverty etc, strip children of their innocence and it turns them into cynical little people.  This is wrong, because you steal something from a child you can never give them back. 

Adults should be the people children look up to, alas, adults are the people who hurt kids, in many ways, the most.  Even bullying amongst children can be attributed to their parents.  More often than not, the bully seeks attention by exerting himself violently.  A child who sees violence at home, will practise violence at school.  A child who does not have the love, care and nurturing bestowed upon him by his mother, will, almost always, turn into a bully.  Dr Dan Olweus, a pioneer on the field of bullying, identified 4 causes for bullying and as I have just stated, 3 out of the 4 are the mistakes/shortcomings of the parents.


What people do not realize, or tend to forget, is the fact that children today, are the adults and leaders of tomorrow.  Would you really be part in the destruction of your own children's future?  Would you really take it upon you to be responsible for allowing/ causing children to struggle?

Matthew 18:6 -

"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

The message is clear - if you stand in the way of children, if you cause or allow them to struggle, punishment is certain.

Galatians 5: 19 - 25, relates to behavior that leads to child abuse, but also behavior that prevents it -

"19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.Romans 13:10Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."

No one as the right to abuse a child.  If you "punish" your child, and strike him/her so hard that bruises are visible, in extreme cases bones are broken, you do not act out of love.  Love does NOT leave bruises.  If you molest, or rape a child, you scar him or her for life.  There is no love in lust, even more so when you lust after the innocent.  Bluntly put, it is plain sick.  If you neglect your child, leaving him/her to the mercy of society...you wont easily be forgiven, because you threw away a life God bestowed upon you.

Children who are the victims of abuse, rape, molestation, neglect carry the scars for the rest of their lives.  Rape/molestation victims more often than not turn to prostitution because they have no self image whatsoever, believing that they are not worthy of anything.  Bullies grow up to turn into criminals, because no one told them any better.  Children who were exposed to violence, will become violent adults, and a very dark circle will continue.

We are obligated to nurture, protect and love all children.  Nelson Mandela said: "It takes a village to raise a child", it is truly a team effort.  If you make someones eyes shine, you changed their life, for the better.  The kindness you bestow upon a child, will never be forgotten, for kindness shapes a child to become a healthy, kind adult.

My message to you, dear reader, is be the change in a child's life, that you would have wanted in your own life as a child.  Be the change in a child's life that you would want in your own child's life.  Be kind, be gentle, be just.

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children." - Nelson Mandela

Child line:  24-hour toll-free helpline: 0800 055 555

SA National Council for Child Welfare: 

National: (011) 339-5741

E-mail: info@childwelfaresa.org.za

Johannesburg Child Welfare Society:  (011) 331-0171

For more useful and important numbers, go to: http://www.southafrica.info/services/crisishelp.htm 

 

Love hurts? o.O

Love hurts - this opinion has been turned into fact, believed by all who has been broken hearted or hurt.  As Def Leppard puts it in their song "Love Bites" -

"Love bites love bleeds - it's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives love dies - it's no surprise
Love begs love pleads - it's what I need"

This might be the feeling of pain when a relationship ends, a loved one dies etc.  Sometimes though, it turns physical when relationships turn violent and abusive.  There is no love in abuse, in violence.  If there was love, there would be no abuse, violence.

Abusive relationships create a phenomenon called "battered woman syndrome".  What this encompasses is a person who is in a relationship with an abusive partner.  The abuse can be either physical or emotional or a combination thereof.  This results in the victim becoming depressed, feeling isolated and unable to break the cycle.  This also means that the victim cannot take any positive action to break out and walk away from a bad relationship.  Many people believe this to be hogwash...sadly, it is absolutely true, and affects many women, globally.

It is estimated that in South Africa alone, 1 out of every four women are survivors of domestic violence.  According to POWA, 1 in every 6 women who die in Gauteng, die by the hand of an intimate partner.

The Institute of Security Studies did research in 1999, and the findings were as follows:

90% of the interviewees had experienced emotional abuse, public humiliation etc. 
90% of the interviewees had experienced physical abuse - pushing, shoving, slapping, hitting etc.
71% had experienced sexual abuse:  forced kissing/touching and rape.
58% had experienced economic abuse - money being stolen/taken from them without consent.
42.5% of the interviewees had experienced all forms of abuse.
60% of all cases of abuse were committed by partners, lovers or spouses.

-Emotional abuse-either as a category on its own or in combination with other types of abuse was referred to by 63% of women as being the most serious.
-According to a Medical Research Council study, young women are more subjected to assault (ranging from slapping to beating with objects and stabbing) and sexual coercion by partners and others.

These statistics were released by POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse)

Victims of domestic violence are silent victims, due to isolating circumstances.  However, speaking out not only reduces the risk of the vicious cycle repeating itself, it also creates a foundation to build up confidence to walk away.

A person who intentionally harms another, albeit physically or emotionally, is a bully, no matter how old he/she is.  Bullying behavior can be caused by many external as well as internal stimuli, such as a hot headed temperament, a bad relationship with their primary caregiver, the need to control, lack of self control anger issues, inferiority complex and the like.

When you take this into account, as a victim, you should internalize it as follows - abuse, in any form, is not your fault.  There is no justification for domestic violence and abuse, none whatsoever.  You deserve a loving, caring environment, and people in your life who love, nurture, protect and adore you.  Why?  God did not create you to suffer.  God created you because He loves you, and as our Father, He would not wish any harm to come upon His children.  However, some stray from the enligthened path and fall, far...these people are like a bull in a china shop - leaving behind a trail of brokenness, like shattered glass.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to endure abuse, but never allow your circumstances to turn you into a bitter person filled with hate.  For then your circumstances win, and you lose.  Pray, pray often.  Keep your head up, speak up and say NO.  Believe that you are worthy of a fabulous life filled with love and joy, because it is the truth.

I heard a fabulous story of a woman who endured regular beatings from her alcoholic husband.  One day she had had enough and when he came home drunk again, passing out quickly, she rolled him into a wet blanket, took her Teflon frying pan and knocked sense and sobriety into him.  Never again did he lay an hand on her.

This might sound extreme, but sometimes it is the only way to stand up - to defend yourself physically.  When an abusive person sees that you are strong, the abuse will dwindle.  Physical strength is a good thing, but emotional strength turns you into a giant, since an abusive person is in actual fact not emotionally superior, but inferior, they only hide it behind abuse and inflicting pain upon others.

If you are a victim of domestic violence and abuse and reading this, just know, that I am praying for you - praying for love to fill your heart and your life.  For the abuse to stop.  PUSH - pray until something happens, and when it does, keep praying.

May you have a joyous day, knowing that you are not alone in the world, you never were, and you never will be.

"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." - Mark Caine

My dedication

Today, a dear friend of mine did something utterly amazing.  Never before in my life have I felt so honored.  She had my name tattooed on her left wrist.  This lady went through a very tough time the past year, but got up, dusted herself off, and started anew.  Truly, truly awesome.

When you are in a hole, it is sometimes hard to see the sunshine, but it's there, you just have to open your eyes.  Winston Churchill once said - "If you're going through hell, keep going"

I am SO proud of this lady for standing up, for making the right choices.  Change is never easy, but when it is for the better, it is absolutely worth it.  Christellie, I am thankful to be able to be a part of your life...helping you, has helped me in so many ways..it has helped me to stay focused, to keep perspective.  Nothing pleases me more, than to help people :)

Keep up the good work, lady.  We have been through some tough times together, and yet, here we are :)

I hereby dedicate this blog to my friend, Christelle (Stella) <3

Love you darling!

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own."
-Benjamin Disraeli

Christelle's tattoo - my name :)

Family & Forgiveness...

I spent Easter with my family.  In all honesty, it was one of the best weekends I have EVER had.  Laughter, togetherness, fun - it was the best.  Throughout the entire weekend, I kept thinking, wow, I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life.  Then I also thought how awful it must be to go through the world alone.  Man is not an island, we are meant to associate with people, to share happiness, to share pain.  Being alone ought to be frightening, to say the least.

We tend to take family and family togetherness for granted, until the day arrives when we no longer have it, then regret sets in.  Be present in your own life, be grateful, be thankful.  Cherish your family - you will be grateful along the line.  Family is a support system, a safety net.  You can laugh and be utterly silly with family, and they are morally obligated not allowed to walk away, because blood is thicker than water :)

Sometimes patience runs out, take a breath, smile, be kind.  Be the child, mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, niece you would like someone to be to you.  Nothing negative can come of this, try it, you'll be amazed at the results.

My parents have taught me something important - in their house, there is always room for one more, and one more.  They never shut anyone out, or ignore people.  Everyone is important, everyone gets treated well.  This results in people wanting to come visit all the time, because there is love and acceptance.  I want to have that aura about me, and my home...friends, family and even strangers should always feel welcome in your presence, as well as your home.


Something else happened though, which left me with chills, to my very core...and not the good kind.  When you realize that those you are supposed to look up to, have feet made of clay, the world starts spinning in the wrong direction.  All of this got me thinking.


I must confess that, for a moment or so, my heart was in turmoil.  My inner balance was disturbed.  Disappointment is not a comfortable feeling.  When your expectations of people are high, and they do not measure up to standard, it leads to disappointment - that is where I was Sunday evening, disappointment avenue.  I was angry, I felt betrayed.  When in such a situation, the most important question to ask, is, is this worth losing balance for?  More often than not, the answer is no.

How do you go about restoring balance?  I struggled with this all through yesterday.  I do believe that God never meant for us to live in bitterness, anger, resentment and hate.  However, these emotions can be overpowering if you let them simmer.  So the first thing to do, would be to observe your feelings, ask yourself, why am I feeling what I am feeling?  Will it benefit my life, my soul?  If you can transform these emotions into something positive - more power to you.  If, however they are only detrimental, they must be confronted.  You cannot do this alone, I couldn't.  I started praying, focusing on changing my heart, to let go.

We often forget how powerful prayer is, for when you call the Lord's name, you call upon Him, you summon Him.  How can He not listen to a beautiful plea of love and forgiveness?  I prayed, less of me, more of Him.  Almost instantly, it was as if a cloud lifted.  It might be hard, but at some point in life, you have to learn to let go and let God.  We tend to forget this, trying to save the day ourselves, but it does not work this way - I rediscovered this again yesterday.

I forgave last night, which also meant that I could set myself free of all the negative emotions that cling to disappointment.  Letting go is the right thing to do.  You set yourself and others free this way.  Leaving them in God's hands.  This could be the safest, but also most fearful place to be, however, it's the best place to be.

Also, I am here to tell you, I love you.  I might not know you, or see you often, but, I love you, for God created you.  :) :)  Give love unto others, start with yourself, cast your net of love over your family, then your friends, then strangers.  The world can never have enough love.


"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." - Ferdinand Foch

L.O.V.E

Here I am, having a Men In Trees marathon, one of my favourite shows ever.  What a total pity that it got cancelled.  Every episode gives me something to chew on and man, this girl likes to chew ;)


Love, touchy issue for some, a fairytale to others, seemingly nonexistent to those who have been burnt.  I for one, am a hopeless romantic.  I simply adore when things work out for people, since love makes the world go round.  It is not love that hurts, but the absence of it.  Obsession and jealousy does not equal love, no matter what colour you paint it.  It happens sometimes that you become so infatuated with someone that you lose reason, momentarily, sometimes longer...thus the saying, the heart wants what the heart wants.  The infatuation you feel acts as a natural high, which grows into an addiction, which turns into obsession.  This can't have a good outcome.


Think about it, what is the root of all bad/abusive relationships?  Jealousy, obsession mostly.  Seeds can't grow into beautiful flowers when planted into a tub of acid.  All these negative elements which come from being infatuated with someone can be likened to cancer.  It will feed, break down, destroy, until there is nothing left. 


Where there is love, real love, there will not be jealousy, obsession, greed.  Love does not dwell in these things.  Love dwells in kindness, trust, patience, loyalty.


I have also found that people use the words "I love you", a lot...which would be mind blowing, except for the fact that most of us have forgotten what it really means to tell someone that you love them.  When you tell someone that you love them, without meaning what you say, it is cruel. 


What then, is love?  The following quote took my breath away when I heard it the first time and rings absolutely true:

“Love is a temporary madness.  It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.  And when it subsides you have to make a decision.  You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.  Because this is what love is.   Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.  That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves that we are.  Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.  Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”  -  St Augustine (Captain Corelli’s Mandolin)

Who doesn't want the fireworks, the kisses that make your foot pop, butterflies the size of vultures in your stomach the moment you lay eyes upon the object of your affection?  But, like St Augustine so rightly said, love, the real romantic thing (Eros in Latin) ain't fireworks.  Personally, I think it's when you are in that special someones company and you feel home.  What is home?  That is wherever you feel safe, where you feel you belong.  That, I also believe, is magic :)

Now, there are many different kinds of love, obviously.  According to the Ancient Greeks, there are four types, they are:

Philia - the love between friends

Storgi - affection

Agape - general love, maternal, fraternal etc

Eros - the love between lovers

Many, many a song, poem, letter, book, script etc have been written about love.  Thinking about it, is there any song that does not involve falling in love, being in love, or losing love?  Love is what people chase...little do many people know that love resides within you.  If it didn't, you would not be capable of expressing any sort of love towards anyone or anything. 

You posses Philia, love for your friends, Storgi, affection towards family members, friends, pets, Agape, love towards everyone and everything...lastly, the sometimes elusive Eros, the love so many people search for, yet don't find.  The question is, how correct is that statement?  It is correct insofar as people search, however, where they search is where the problem lies.  As with so many things, it starts within.  Love is inside you.  It is like a puppy you nurture, feed, tend to.  When you have that down, let loose the hound :) Give love and it comes back to you like a delicious boomerang and when it hits, it doesn't hurt...it's more like a kiss and a whisper.

Yet again, when you close your hand, you cannot receive anything.  The same applies to your heart.  A closed heart can neither give, nor receive love.  Like so many songs have stated, love is like a river.  It flows into us and out of us...this is how it ought to be, with all of the different forms of love.  When you close up shop, it becomes unnatural.  This is the point where people start asking why.  Why everybody else, not me?  Then resentment and bitterness kicks in, sealing in your heart behind a wall so thick that no one, not even you, can break through it.  At this point, only very serious self examination, and time on your knees, in prayer...can remedy the situation. 

That being said, ain't love grand?  I just love happy endings.  I truly love seeing people happy.  Something that always touches me, is the way in which my dogs love me: unconditionally.  No matter how long I have been gone, when I come back, they are as glad as ever to see me...we wrestle till the three of us can hardly stand, and we repeat this cycle over and over...and their love for me, does not end. 

I believe that another downfall of people and love is the mere fact that we stipulate too many conditions.  I will love you if, I will love you when, if you don't do A or B, I won't love you anymore...the insanity goes on.
Not too long ago, in a moment of clarity, it was as if God spoke directly to me.."love unconditionally, break down the rules, the barriers.."  Admittedly it is hard, since we live in a world of control freaks where we find the need to plan and control every detail, but if you forget God in the details, your house of cards will come tumbling down my dear person.  God is love, without God, we would not be capable of love.

Have you told the people you care about, that you care?  If there are people that you love...have you told them this recently?  If there is someone that you are in love with, have you done anything about it yet?  Is there a bad relationship that you need to break.  I am here to tell you, just NIKE the hell out of it.  If not now, then when?  Step up and do it...the results might just dazzle and amaze you :)

"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts" - Charles Dickens

Don't worry, be HAPPY...

Here I am again...with so many thoughts bombarding my mind that I am unsure what to write about.  Then it hit me.  Every time my mother and I visit, we laugh until we tear up, or develop stomach aches.  This is what true happiness is to me.  Moments.  Fully enjoyed. 

Your life is a sequence of moments, strung together.  Why then, do we tend to waste so many precious moments?  Every minute you spend unhappy, is 60 seconds of happiness you lose...from your own life.  Do not waste time, it is fleeting.  Do not put things off, do what you want to do, NOW...if you can't do it immediately, then at least get the ball rolling.

Often we are afraid to tell it like it is...due to fear.  If there is something you want to, or need to say, say it.  No greatness can come if you are not willing to take a risk.  If you are waiting for something to happen, some cosmic event...before you get active, don't wonder why you are stuck in a rut, you are there by choice.  Yes, you are.  There is no such thing as "I can't".  Take a moment, think about it.  Is there something standing between you and happiness?  What is it, and why is it blocking you?  I know soul searching is more often than not scary, but in order to move forward, you have to take a load off.

I came to such a crossroads and admittedly, it was terrifying.  I am a person who likes to know.  I like to know where I stand with people, I like clear direction, the whole route does not necessarily have to be planned, but clear step by step is necessary for me to feel comfortable.

The first choice was between Potchefstroom and Pretoria.  Potchefstroom meant Germany for 6 months.  Which meant 6 months away from my loved ones, and an added financial obligation upon my dad, not that he would mind, at all, but I wouldn't allow it.  I chose Pretoria...it was daunting..since I am a small town girl, born and bred.  My inner mule kicked in and pushed on.  We never back down, we never show fear, we never give up (I attribute much of my inner strength and stubbornness to my upbringing under a father who is ex-military).  It turned out to be one of the best choices I have ever made.  Not only am I blessed to hear the sound of wildlife every single day, but I am also learning from one of the heavyweights in Child Law (internationally speaking).  I have met absolutely amazing people and I have never regretted my decision once.  I live in absolute gratitude every.single.day.. :)

Take the leap, don't stay in a situation where you stagnate or become unhappy.  It will lead to bitterness.

The second crossroads came when I had to choose between status quo and the dazzling unknown, regarding my personal life.  As I have written in "Change...", one needs to declutter from time to time, albeit physically or emotionally.  To let go is liberating.  What you were, what you own, does not define you.  Who you are, what you say, what you do - that defines you.

I believe everybody deserves happiness.  When you find yourself in a situation where you're not happy, something needs to change.  If you draw the curtains, light can't get in.  It works the same way with life.  You can't receive any sort of blessing if you are not willing to open up to receive it. 

It seems to me, that people use the past as their safety blanket.  When, however, you cling to the negative memories of the past, your "safety blanket" is laced with poison - a slow killing poison.  Like putting a frog in water and slowly heating it up...you won't realize that you're busy drowning until it has become too late.

Laughter is good for you.  Not only does it release endorphins (happy hormones) into your system, it also serves as good exercise for your internal organs.  Laughter takes away burden and pain.  Nothing bad can come from laughter except maybe tinkled pants...ha ha ha :)

When you are old, you will regret not being kinder to yourself, not laughing more, not freeing yourself from burden and pain.  Regret is something I choose to avoid.  No more what ifs.  When in doubt, pray, then laugh, open your eyes and actually look at what you are blessed with. 

Have you ever given thanks for your eyesight, your hearing?  Or the fact that you have 10 fingers, 10 toes, limbs that work perfectly?  Internal organs that function as they should?  These are things we so often overlook, and they are blessings we take for granted, however, some people do not have the gift of sight, hearing...properly functioning organs, etc.  You are a lucky individual, and incredibly blessed, to be alive, to have a body that functions as it should, to have food and water and a warm bed to return to each day.  Even these "basics" aren't so basic if you take into account that so many children, globally, sleep cold, hungry, and thirsty every night.

When you look at it that way, the fact that you sat in traffic today, your boss growled at you, or you feel phlegmatic, seems insignificant once you look at the world as a whole.  Can you magically make traffic disappear?  If not..stop moaning, many other people are sitting in traffic with you...you'll get to where you have to be, eventually.  Can you change your boss's attitude? Definitely.  No matter if the growl was because of you or not, being kind, persistently, deflates anger.  Do not fuel it by sulking, no one wins that way.  When you feel down, watch comedy, count your blessings and SMILE - someone is bound to fall in love with it. :)

I choose to think of things that make me happy, do things, that make me happy.  I laugh with people, I wrestle my dogs when I visit my parents, I watch soppy rom-coms because, who doesn't love a happy ending and who doesn't have a little bit of romance in them? ;)

Even if you feel comfortable to be emo, to grumble...smile...it ain't that hard to do, and after a while, you'll actually mean it.

"Joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness." - Leo Tolstoy

"The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being." - Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lamat

Smile like you mean it!

:D

Random acts of kindness...

This morning I set out to buy myself the 2 Cd's standing between me and the complete @ Home collection.  I never made it to @ Home, but came back with gifts for my family.  I absolutely adore giving presents, seeing the joy on people's faces when they open their gifts, being able to just give something, anything.  It fills me with joy I cannot describe. :)

What also happened was, I struck up an insanely interesting conversation with the store clerk about cinematography.  Truly awesome.  Why?  Because it took nothing away from me to be kind, to engage socially with this person, to learn and exchange. 

We tend to go through life without noticing those around us...being so focused on ME, what I need, what I want, that we get totally cut off from life.  What a sad day indeed.  Kindness is a free gift, which keeps on giving, and will ultimately be returned to you.

No one could know a stranger's heart or thoughts, but a smile, a kind gesture might save a life.  The saddest thing of the modern society to me, is apathy, people not wanting to get involved, fear of added responsibility..the list goes on. 

Let me ask then, were you put on earth to serve yourself, to gratify only your own every wish and desire?  If you answer yes, then do not cry to the heavens, asking why the world is in the state it is in...it is what it is because people have stopped caring.  Ego is more important than caring for others.  It starts revolving around I, instead of US.

I firmly believe that once you give, with an open hand, instead of a hand that immediately closes again...you will be rewarded beyond measure.  Giving is fulfilling.  You do not have to be rich to give.  Give kindness, give a little of your time, give love.  If you give these things, they will be returned to you, in mind blowing ways.  Why?  Because if you do unto others as you would like done unto yourself...that is how it ends up being.

When I was still in school my mother used to tell me my best trait is my kind heart, my worst trait is my kind heart.  I never fully understood this.  Looking back though, I understand.  I tried to save everyone, take everyone in...and it is exhausting beyond measure.  As a friend of mine so aptly put it, you should be kind, not naive.  This does however not mean that you can blow people off, on the contrary, care, love...but balance it.  Never lose yourself, because if you do...you can no longer give anything positive into the world.

When I leave this earth, I want to have given as much and as often as I could.  That, I think, is true fulfillment.  Will my tombstone read that I was a greedy old hag? NO :) How we act today will dictate the legacy we leave behind tomorrow.

Most importantly though, be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself well, since, if you treat yourself well, you set the trend for how others will treat you.  Be good to your heart, your mind, your body.  Balance yourself.  If you lose balance, you will lose yourself.  This is tricky, I admit, but nothing is impossible, I'M POSSIBLE.

Once you master the art of balance...and you are kind to yourself, you can give yourself to the world...and it will be one of the greatest gifts ever received. 

In Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, a little conversation transpires which beautifully sums up my thoughts:

Norah:  "It reminds me of this part of Judaism
that I really like.  It's called Tikkun olam.
It says that the world's been broken
into pieces...and it's everybody's job to find them
and put them back together again."
 
Nick:  "Well, maybe we're the pieces,
you know?  Maybe we're not supposed
to find the pieces.  Maybe we are the pieces."

Challenge yourself and be kind, genuinely kind to at least one stranger, every day this week...and by the end of the week...see how that feels.

"A good character is the best tombstone.  Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered.  Carve your name on hearts, not on marble."  ~Charles H. Spurgeon

A love letter from God

The origin of this letter is unknown, but has been circulating for more than 20 years.  It is so absolutely beautiful that I have to share it. :)


Dear One,


Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively, but I say "No."  Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, will you be ready to have the intensely personal and unique relationship that I have planned for you.  You will never be united with anyone or anything else until you are united with Me.  I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and start allowing Me to give you the most thrilling plan in existence - one that you cannot even imagine.  I want you to have the best.  Please, allow Me to bring it to you.


You must keep watching Me expecting the greatest of things.  Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM.  Keep listening and learning the things that I will tell you.  Just wait.  That's all.  Don't be anxious.  Don't worry.  Don't look around at the things others have or that I have given them.  Don't look at the things you think you want.  Just keep looking up to Me or you will miss what I want to show you.  And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you have dreamed of.


You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.
This is Perfect Love.


And Dear One, I want you to have this most wonderful love.  I want to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer.  Know that I love you utterly.  Believe it and be satisfied.


Love,
God.

Juan

On the 14th of April, 2007, I lost someone very close to my heart, in a motorcycle accident.  In that moment, it felt as though someone had punched me in my throat and gut.  Our pain is what reminds us that we are human.  It is OK to cry, to miss those who have left this world.  It is however not OK to self destruct through grief.  If anything, death should awaken us, to LIVE and not just exist.  Our lost loved ones will after all, always be loved, missed and never forgotten.

Juan Pierre Du Toit, my dear friend, reminds me so much of James Dean.  He lived hard, and fully, but died young.  The memories of our friendship will remain in my heart, always.  When I dream of you, I wake up with a smile, knowing that, on some cosmic level, you were here...it was like the good old days.

Forgive me if, even after 4 years, I still shed a tear for you today...but I miss you, weirdo.  If you could see me now, you would be so proud.  I am glad and feel privileged and honoured to have been able to know you.  I will never stop missing you, nothing could ever replace you.

I am strong today, I live everyday, instead of merely going through the motions.  You taught me so much, left a permanent stamp on my heart and I know that you are in Heaven.  I know that you look at me from there, and I know that you are happy.  It would be selfish to want you back...though I regret not telling you that I loved you, more, before you left us.

Your death left a gap in my life, but not a hole in my heart.  You will always remain there, safe, close and loved, in my heart. My big brother from another mother. :)

The wounds left on our souls from the death of loved ones eventually heal and they leave scars...reminding us that our loved ones weren't just memories, a vague and distant past, they were real.  Remember them fondly, let your light of love shine, but do not kill your soul through grief.  One day, we shall all be reunited.  Death is not a permanent goodbye...if you live life as it is supposed to be lived, death is a mere, see you later.

By paying tribute to our lost loved ones, we heal our hearts.  We get strong, and we carry on with life.  Know that the love you still feel, the longing...is not useless.  It serves as a reminder that you are human, capable of love.  That, in itself, is a blessing.

Today I light candles for you Juan, reminiscing the memories. 

I will remember you...
I will keep you safe in my heart...
I love you, ALWAYS...
Till we meet again.

In loving memory of Juan Pierre du Toit, 11-08-1984 - 14-04-2007

Change...

For so long I have wondered, what it would take to bring about change, BIG change.  Know the right people? Donate lots of money? Live an honorable life? Go to church on Sunday?  Smile at strangers? Giving a beggar your chocolate money?  What constitutes BIG change?

I finished my degree, started with my Masters...I pray every day, many times.  I try to frequent church.  I always smile, and I am always kind to strangers.  I give to the needy when I can...but is that all? Really? Something still felt...missing...

Then I met an awe inspiring individual.  His inner light shines so brightly it warms you instantly.  It changed me, immediately.  How?  Because I thought to myself, "I want to have that effect on people."  This has however, nothing to do with romance in the sense that I want people to fall in love with me, though it has everything to do with inspiring people to challenge themselves, bettering themselves and living a full life, taking leaps of faith and LIVING instead of merely existing.  So, the ball started rolling...

After a few weeks of evaluating and re-evaluating myself, my life, what I say, how I say it...I cut away all ties to the past.  For those who aren't familiar with the concept, it is called emotional decluttering. :)  I can honestly say that investing in yourself is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. 

A sound, healthy mind and heart will bring you much farther than a mind sickened by guilt, hate, regret, jealousy and the like.  For when you look through the eyes of a person tormented by his past, the world will be grey.  When you look through the eyes of someone who broke the "ties that bind" the world will shine back at you in techni-colour.

After clearing space in my head, my heart, my home...things immediately changed.  It was as if my mind opened completely, I saw things I previously ignored, I felt light, alive, present...loved.  Admittedly, one of the hardest things to teach myself, was the following:  I am worthy, I am good enough - always.  It was hard, but I didn't give up.  Life repeats the lessons you fail to learn, and self love is one I do not wish to repeat.

It has been said that a heart never broken can never love completely, or appreciate love fully.  My heart has been beaten to a pulp...sadly not just once, but the lesson is this: when your dreams turn to dust, vacuum, stand up, move on.  You are good enough.  The situation you were in just wasn't your ideal, therefore you needed to be lifted out of it...a figurative fire cleansing so to speak. 

It doesn't matter who you WERE, what matters is who you ARE.

When the inner cleansing was done, lessons learned, I started looking into the world, with my fresh eyes.  When you let go of the need to satisfy yourself, when your world stops revolving around you alone, the possibilities are endless.  I want to give myself to the world. Seem foreign? Not really.  Gandhi once said, "be the change you want to see in the world."  Change, inevitably, started with me.  I needed to change in order to be able to change the world around me.

My inner light shines brightly.  I want to help those up who fell, I want to console where there is pain,  I want to be a friend where there is need.  I don't want recognition, because I believe that all of us are obligated to serve one another in love.  My ego does not need to be fuelled, I know I'm doing the right thing. Give freely, without expecting something in return.  What I have found, many moons ago is that, once you start giving, with an open hand, and an open heart...you will be rewarded.  However, do not let the reward be your reason for giving, that is not how it works.  You will only set yourself up for disappointment.  Give for the sake of giving, helping...love.  If not you, then who?  If not now, when?

When you die, what will people say about you?  Do you want to be remembered?  As what/who do you want to be remembered?  Everything we do in life, counts.  The smallest gesture of kindness could make the biggest difference in someones life.  Like skipping pebbles on a pond, kindness too, has a ripple effect.  Care more, worry less. 

Something that this inspiring person said, stayed with me.  He said, "I don't want stress in my life".  This has the effect that he does not encourage behaviour that would induce stress,  he does not search for negativity.  He lives fully and freely.  How marvellous is that?  You have a choice, always.  What you choose will affect your life, no matter how small the decision might be.  Ask yourself, like my inspiration does - what will the effect of this choice be tomorrow?  Will I still feel good?  Is it positive?  THEN choose.

Today,  I contacted a few important figures, because I am ready to change the world...I want to be change.  This is how it works, should work.  Embrace your life with open arms, if you love life, it will love you back and what could be more fulfilling than giving, with an open hand and a loving heart?

I am thankful, to God for changing me...for sending someone into my life who inspired me to stand up and make my light shine.  I now pass the torch :)

"When the world says, 'give up,' Hope whispers, 'try it one more time'." - Author unknown.