Juan

On the 14th of April, 2007, I lost someone very close to my heart, in a motorcycle accident.  In that moment, it felt as though someone had punched me in my throat and gut.  Our pain is what reminds us that we are human.  It is OK to cry, to miss those who have left this world.  It is however not OK to self destruct through grief.  If anything, death should awaken us, to LIVE and not just exist.  Our lost loved ones will after all, always be loved, missed and never forgotten.

Juan Pierre Du Toit, my dear friend, reminds me so much of James Dean.  He lived hard, and fully, but died young.  The memories of our friendship will remain in my heart, always.  When I dream of you, I wake up with a smile, knowing that, on some cosmic level, you were here...it was like the good old days.

Forgive me if, even after 4 years, I still shed a tear for you today...but I miss you, weirdo.  If you could see me now, you would be so proud.  I am glad and feel privileged and honoured to have been able to know you.  I will never stop missing you, nothing could ever replace you.

I am strong today, I live everyday, instead of merely going through the motions.  You taught me so much, left a permanent stamp on my heart and I know that you are in Heaven.  I know that you look at me from there, and I know that you are happy.  It would be selfish to want you back...though I regret not telling you that I loved you, more, before you left us.

Your death left a gap in my life, but not a hole in my heart.  You will always remain there, safe, close and loved, in my heart. My big brother from another mother. :)

The wounds left on our souls from the death of loved ones eventually heal and they leave scars...reminding us that our loved ones weren't just memories, a vague and distant past, they were real.  Remember them fondly, let your light of love shine, but do not kill your soul through grief.  One day, we shall all be reunited.  Death is not a permanent goodbye...if you live life as it is supposed to be lived, death is a mere, see you later.

By paying tribute to our lost loved ones, we heal our hearts.  We get strong, and we carry on with life.  Know that the love you still feel, the longing...is not useless.  It serves as a reminder that you are human, capable of love.  That, in itself, is a blessing.

Today I light candles for you Juan, reminiscing the memories. 

I will remember you...
I will keep you safe in my heart...
I love you, ALWAYS...
Till we meet again.

In loving memory of Juan Pierre du Toit, 11-08-1984 - 14-04-2007