Think before you speak...

I am a talker. In the 1st grade my teacher put a band aid over my mouth to stop my chatter, moved me next to the smelliest boy in class, to the front of the class, right in front of her desk, sent me to the headmaster, called my parents - needless to say I just never stopped talking, a lot (to this day).

Along with talking a lot, I have also been blessed with being blatantly honest. I recall being in town with my mother (roundabout age 3), seeing a rather large lady, pointing at her, saying (very loudly): "Look at that fat lady, mommy!" My mom nearly died of shame...hahaha. She couldn't punish me for being truthful but there is a fine line between telling the (sometimes hurtful) truth and applying some tact.

Something my mom taught me, which I value to this day...is this: before you say something, think to yourself: is it true? Is it necessary? Is it hurtful? Then decide if you still want to speak up.

You see, your words can be likened to a bag of feathers. Once you empty the bag of feathers, you can never get all of them back into the bag. This works the same with what you say to people. We tend to forget just how much words can hurt, until we are on the receiving end. Words have the power to cause irreparable damage.

There is a Chinese proverb that goes "he who rides the tiger can never dismount." This means that you can never fully take back what you said, especially words spoke in anger. Interestingly enough, studies have shown that, when people are angry, in that moment, their IQ's momentarily drop, this being the reason for saying things we don't mean and always regret later.

Lets rewind a little. It is absolutely wrong to lie. Comforting someone with a lie will only momentarily solve an issue which will snowball and blow up in your face later. For example, you know your best friend's other half is cheating on him/her. What to do? If a given situation arises where you have the opportunity to tell said friend of the goings on, then do so. Why? Because if the can of worms gets blown open later, your friend will ask you: "Why didn't you tell me? You could have spared me the humiliation." However, if your friend bought new living room furniture which she loves and you abhor and she asks you what you think of it, it is, in my opinion not a bad idea to say "it goes marvellous with the wallpaper/drapes/whatever - because in this instance it is a matter of taste, not principal. You get where I'm going? :)

In the last few weeks I have observed the way in which people interact with each other. The general conclusion: people don't listen to each other, people don't think before they speak, people don't take others' feelings into consideration. All it is about is making themselves feel and look better, no matter what the consequences are. Are you serious? Let me put it differently. Before you say something hurtful, stop and think - if someone said that exact same thing to you, how would you feel? Most probably not so tough.

When you are on the receiving end of hurtful words, I have this to say to you: examine the speaker carefully. Were these words spoken in anger? Were they justifiable? Do these words reflect low self esteem or some other deep seated issues that are unrelated to you? Did the speaker purely use you as a punching bag? Ask yourself these questions...I know it might not sting any less, but what I am trying to get at, is that those words do not make you any less of a person. You should see those words as hollow vowels and consonants - powerless. You have the power to shrug it off. For example - if someone calls you a "whore," ask yourself, are you the oxford definition of a whore? No? Shrug it off and pity the speaker. If someone calls you a "jock", pity them for having the need to stereotype. Free yourself from words and labels.  You know who you are...what you are capable of, that alone, is enough dear one... :)

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are endless.” - Mother Theresa